I've talked to several of my Dane friends about this finishing thing, and they've told me what a big deal it is. So, things are going to change around here.
You will no longer refer to me as The Bitch. The Queen or Her Majesty will do fine.
My evening meal will be served promptly at 5:30 p.m. and will consist of a Black Angus (grain fed) Ribeye Steak, 1" thick, lightly grilled and cut into bite-size pieces. My vegetable will be slow roasted new potatoes smothered in butter. Dessert will be triple caramel ice cream.
You will no longer push and shove me into the bathtub. You may lightly spritz me with Evian Mountain Spring water and gently pat me dry with 100% Egyptian cotton towels (heated).
That ratty bedspread will be replaced with a purple velvet comforter with gold piping. The bed will be suitably warmed prior to my retiring.
A proper suitor will be found. He must be handsome, buff and absolutely infatuated with me.
You will no longer grind my nails. You will transport me once a week to the Red Door Salon where my pedicure will be gently administered followed by a Swedish massage.
I don't believe my demands are too high. After all, I am --
EBON JEWEL OF T'NILE BLEVR