Mom -- WHAT WERE YOU THINKING????  What in the H-E double toothpicks did we need this "thing" for.  

If you got "Petey" to antagonize me, then you succeeded.  I'd like to see this thing keep you warm in bed on a cold winter's night!!  AND, if you think you're going to teach him to talk, well the first words out of his beak are going to be "CLEO NO!!" cause those are the only words he's going to hear for a long time.

When you go to bed tonight, I'm firing up the Fry Daddy and gonna cook myself a bunch of crispy Petey popcorn pieces.  If I were you, I wouldn't get too attached to the seed cruncher!!